Building a support network can positively affect your mental health. The people around you can either support you or tear you down. It’s vital to your mental health that the company you choose to keep makes you feel supported and loved.

Feeling alone and being alone are very different. Often, when you feel alone it’s far from the truth. Odds are, there are people in your life that you can rely on. If not, it’s time to re-evaluate the company you keep. There should always be a handful of people that you know you can reach out to for any reason.

Having reliable people in your life, family or friends, can help you cope with stress. They can make you feel held, loved, and supported. Additionally, they offer an escape from the negative thoughts you might be having. Their outside perspective may be what you need to keep you grounded.

Maintaining relationships can be hard work and a time commitment. However, it’s worth it to invest in relationships that make you feel valued.

It is not worth it to invest in relationships that continuously harm you. People can be bad for your mental health if they contribute negatively to your life. You are allowed to take a break from talking to people who tear you down and cause harm. Additionally, it’s okay to walk away from relationships that no longer serve you. This separation may be difficult or traumatic, but there are counsellors for loss that you can talk to if you are struggling.

Note: Sometimes you’re born into a family that isn’t necessarily good for your mental health. They may have very different views from you or not support you in the way you need. Just because they are related to you does not mean they cannot cause harm. Remember, friendships are just as valid as family ties. Your ‘chosen family’ can love and support you, too!  

Here’s a great quote: “You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.”

It means that you can’t change how the people in your life act, but you can find new people to be in your life that suit you better.

Cultivating a Positive, Healthy Support Network

Having positive relationships in your life is associated with better mental health outcomes. Reciprocal caring relationships increase your sense of belonging, self-worth, and purpose. Friends help celebrate the good times and provide support in more difficult times.

Chronic pain can be very isolating. You spend a lot of time resting, so it might feel like you’re missing out on opportunities to connect with people. As it can feel isolating, it’s even more important that you find a great support network to help you cope with the struggles that come along with chronic pain.

When building your support network, make a list of people you love and care for. If you’re unsure, think of people you’d invite to your wedding or other special occasion. Then, place a star beside the people you know would drop anything to help you out. These are the important people in your life. Try to connect with these people often. Having many friends is excellent, but ensure that you have a select few who you are very close with.

Reach out to catch up with your friends and family regularly. Send them a text or call them to see if they’d like to spend time with you. Offer to do an activity you both enjoy together. If that’s not possible, set up a time to call or video chat. Ensure that you’re communicating often as it’ll strengthen your relationships.

In the meantime, interacting with acquaintances or people you encounter during the day can also boost your mood. Be friendly to your neighbours, people serving you, strangers on the bus, or delivery people (if you feel safe). Try to make eye contact and smile, say hello or engage in small talk. It can help make you feel less isolated day-to-day.

Tips for connecting to others

Incorporate your friends and loved ones into your life more often. Grab your phone and call or text a friend to arrange a get together. If you’re unable to see them in person, schedule a phone call or video chat. Or, if you can see them but you’re both busy, try to plan errands together (e.g., going to the gym, laundry, shopping, etc.). Do this regularly!

If you feel like you don’t have anyone in your life who would like to do this, try to grow relationships with your acquaintances or seek new friends. Breaking the ice is difficult but the other person will be glad you took the initiative to spark a conversation with them.

Reach out to an old friend, a co-worker, neighbor, or mutual friend. Ask them to grab a coffee or take a walk with you. Something low-pressure where you can chat easily. You may find a great new friend.

Another way to meet new friends is to join a local group for an interest or activity you enjoy. For example, join a local rowing team if you like rowing and you’ll end up meeting many other rowers that you can try to become friends with.

Practice

Below, you will find the worksheet for this lesson: the Support Network Worksheet. This worksheet will help you reflect on the support networks in your life and possibly find some new ones to join!

Reflect

Reflect on the support networks that you are a part of. How do they make you feel? Do you find being a part of a group or community to be supportive of your mental health? How important is being a part of a support network when you live with chronic pain?

How can you plan to form another strong connection with someone new?

In the next lesson, you will learn how spirituality can positively affect your mental health.