Setting healthy expectations and goals for yourself can improve your mental health. Additionally, understanding that it’s okay to not always be productive is important.

Our emotions tend to be tied to our productivity, accomplishments, and expectations. We’re raised to believe that we’re only as good as the work we’re producing. This can set you up to be disappointed if you’re not doing all that you think you should be.

Sometimes, when you have chronic pain, you’re not able to do everything you’d like to. This can make you feel poorly due to that connection between our productivity and mood. Therefore, learning that your productivity is not tied to your self-worth is essential!

Further, having too many things on your plate at once can also be extremely stressful. Being overloaded can harm your mental health.

Being able to prioritize your time, with strict boundaries, can help. For instance, make a list of what you need to do and cross off any items that can wait until another day. At the end of the day, reflect on all that you have accomplished, rather than the tasks you weren’t able to get to.

Learning to say no is an important skill. When others ask you to do something, only say yes if you have the mental and physical capacity to do so. Do not strain yourself to help others if it is not necessary. Saying no is a form of self-care. It’s being able to recognize your limits, and not overload yourself.

Setting realistic goals for your mental health

Setting goals is a great way to strive for what you want in life and boost your mental health. However, goals are only productive if they are realistic.

Unrealistic goals can set you up for disappointment and misery. Setting intensely challenging or unlikely goals will probably set you up for failure, and harm your mental health. If you don’t reach your goal, you may feel bad, harming your self-confidence.

The truth is that you’re not a failure, your goals just need to be adjusted. You are capable and can achieve your goals but only if they are realistic and relevant to your situation.

The first step to achievable goals is to make small, incremental goals. Rather than jumping right to the big major goal, you’ll have small steps to gradually get there. When you reach one of the smaller goals, you can reassess the situation.

Check out the SMART model for creating goals that are clear and achievable. It can help you put your goals into words.

The next step is to be resilient and flexible with your goals. Try again if it doesn’t work out; don’t beat yourself up. Learn what went wrong and try to adjust your approach. However, if you consistently aren’t reaching the goal after many attempts, you may need to adjust the goal to be more appropriate for you. Also, having a backup plan is key.

Additionally, create small achievable goals for yourself daily. You’ll feel accomplished just by checking something off your to-do list. For example, make a goal to call your friend and chat, clean one room, or get organized for the week. It doesn’t have to be a major task.

Finally, remember that it’s okay to not accomplish some of your goals. It may feel awful if you put a lot of pressure on yourself to succeed. However, you are a valid, worthy human being, regardless of your successes or failures.

Building Resiliency

Has a challenging event or outcome ever devastated you to the point where it takes over your thoughts for a while? You’re not alone. Dealing with a stressful or traumatic experience can immobilize you and make moving on difficult. This is especially common when you live with chronic pain, as it can be extremely stressful and debilitating. 

Resiliency is the ability recover from stressful experiences. It’s dealing with negative events constructively. People who are resilient can recover and move on quickly after difficulties.

Being resilient when living with chronic pain is choosing to engage in your life, despite pain. It’s accepting that you might be in pain today, but doing what you want anyways. 

Resilient people often have good mental health, with internal coping mechanisms to help them get through the experience. They are also able to utilize external resources to help them, like family, friends, community, health care providers, etc.

Some skills that improve resiliency include problem solving, self-soothing, communication, boundaries, and self-care.

Building Critical Thinking Skills, Avoiding Illogical Thoughts

Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and other mental health conditions are often worsened by illogical thoughts. Illogical thoughts are thoughts that are emotionally charged and not true. For example, thoughts that tell you no one likes you, you’re a failure, or you’re ugly and unlovable.

These thoughts can be distressing and affect you negatively. When your internal monologue is constantly tearing yourself down, it’s no wonder you feel sad, scared, or worried.

Critical thinking skills can help you escape these illogical thought patterns. Being able to assess your thoughts and realize they’re untrue can pull you out of a negative spiral.

Treatment for mental health conditions, like depression, includes building critical thinking skills so you can change your thinking habits. You learn how to challenge your thoughts and re-frame them to be more logical.

Rather than thinking you’re a failure for not reaching your goals, you can reassess the situation. You may reframe your thoughts to remind yourself that the goal was unrealistic, and you have so much more to offer.

Setting Boundaries with Yourself

When you think of boundaries, you may think of boundaries with other people. Relationship boundaries are important (and we will cover that in the Caring for Others lesson). However, setting boundaries with yourself is another important skill that can help you achieve your goals.

When you set boundaries for yourself, you can think of them in terms of time and energy. Ask yourself, what do I want/need to spend my time on? What do I want/need to spend my energy on? Then, set boundaries with other tasks that take up your time and energy. These boundaries will allow you to reserve time and energy for the tasks that are important to you.

This is especially important when you live with chronic pain or chronic illness. As you know, you have a limited supply of energy that you can expend each day. Setting boundaries ensures that you are saving some energy for what you care about.

This is similar to Christine Miserandino’s Spoon Theory. She explains her daily energy in terms of numbers of spoons. Certain tasks use up various numbers of spoons until she is out of spoons and no longer has any energy to spend.

The best way to set boundaries for yourself is to figure out where your breaking point is (e.g., when you’re out of spoons). Then, place the boundary before when that will happen.

Boundaries can help with your mental health as you begin to put your needs first. You reserve time for the things that matter, and you spend your energy wisely. Then, you can work towards your goals and purpose more efficiently, while caring for yourself.

Practice

Below you’ll find the worksheets for this lesson: the SMART Goals Worksheet, the Goal Progress Tracker Worksheet, and the Personal Boundaries Worksheet. These worksheets will help you reflect on what goal you’d like to set and write it down. Then, you can track your progress towards that goal. The Boundaries Worksheet will help you reflect on your how you’d like to spend your time/energy, then make a personal boundary to help.

Reflect

Is there a goal that you’re currently working towards? Reflect on how that goal makes you feel. Do you feel a sense of purpose when striving for your goal? Is the goal realistic? Additionally, think about any boundaries you should make in order to reach your goal.

In the next lesson, you will learn about the importance of being able to talk about your feelings with those who are close to you.